Week 46: Welcome to Funedin: Kelly’s, Chic A Boom Room and Blur.

A day long vacation awaits us just 25.6 miles from Ybor City. In anticipation of a semi-romantic, handholding day I have purchased 4 scratch tickets and two Mike’s Harder Lemonades. Mike’s Harder Lemonade is not to be mistaken for Mike’s Hard Lemonade, as it’s harder, and gambling on the Lord’s day is not to be mistaken for a gambling problem.

$40 back on an $8 investment, winner, winner, chicken dinner. It’s moments like this that keep me coming back for more. I’ll pay for brunch and what better place is there to explore on Sunday Funday than the city of Funedin? I’m a brunette with a college education so I don’t often make dumb comments but I have really been catching some heat this morning for accidentally calling an avocado tree a guacamole tree.  Ryan thinks it’s hilarious and while it may have been a weak moment he really should have known it was simply a parapraxis, occurring due to the interference of my unconscious subdued desire for the end product.

Ryan thinks he knows where there may be a “guacamole tree” in Ybor City and before departing we make a detour around the block, ehh, a few detours around the block, to find this tree. Well, turns out it’s not a guacamole tree after all, but a mango tree, with a rooster sitting in it. Wait a minute. Roosters can’t fly. How the fuck did he get up there? One can only assume he got his tiny little beak on someone’s lost dimebag and put those wings to work.

We’re on our way to Dunedin now, a city I don’t have to know much about to be in love with. Judging by their recent “2012 Funedin Lip Dub” it appears as if the city may be full of fruitcakes; I should feel right at home. (Click Here: YouTube Classic…)

We’re going to Kelly’s, The Chic A Boom Room and Blur. I mention 3 establishments here because I’m actually unsure of what awaits us. Apparently 3 establishments owned and operated by the same people sit on the same block. Since 1989, Kelly’s Restaurant (1 of the 3) has been serving award winning food. I’ve heard that before. I once won “MVP” in church league basketball and truth be told I was a fat ass with an excellent attitude. And, my mother was the coach.

We arrive at Kelly’s to a 40 minute wait but this doesn’t disappoint me because where there’s a wait, there’s a bar, and I’m itching for more like the Ybor cock (there was a rooster in the tree earlier, pay attention).  I am pinned up in attire that I’d like to refer to as California Chic, but the reality of it all is that I look like a real slut. High-waisted red pants and a bandeau top. We sit down at the bar where a group of fedora-wearing girls makes it obvious that this is Dunedin, not California. Rather than let them know Kevin Federline just isn’t awesome and neither are fedoras, I immediately go into a panic and order a Bloody Mary. I despise Bloody Mary’s, but I want these girls to know that I drink vodka, not some girly champagne cocktail (what I really wanted).

Kelly’s is off to a good start because as I just mentioned I do not like Bloody Mary’s, and I could drink these all day. The bartender even brings us our own bottle of sriracha and with excitement Ryan says “OHH! A lil dab ‘il do ya!” It’s his childish mannerisms and awful sayings that somehow persuaded me to fall in love with him. Our neighbors at the bar agree these are some of the best Bloody Mary’s in Pinellas, maybe even Florida, and the bartender gives the recipe right away. For Kelly’s sake, I won’t let anyone know what it is, but it’s truly shocking.

By the time we get seated I have quite the solid buzz and I’m not too hungry anymore. The waitress greets us and recommends the Cinnamon Bun. It comes out quickly with raspberry jelly and Grand Marnier frosting. This glorious bun is very fitting for our day of “things that will keep you coming back for more.” Yum.

Ryan orders the quiche and I order a staple of my diet: sausage egg and cheese breakfast sandwich. Another thing I can never get enough of. Oh, and a side of hash. My grandmother is always quick to remind me that “nobody likes a fat bride” and given that we have an upcoming wedding I’ve been avoiding hash at 780 calories per can. However this hash is different; it’s roast beef hash.

As we wait for our food I can’t help but look around at all the smiling faces as they indulge in a fairly priced midday outing. Even the Bloody Mary’s won’t break the bank. Food’s here. Interesting. The sausage egg and cheese actually has links of sausage lying across it rather than a patty. For some reason I find this very funny. So simple yet so good. You really can’t go wrong with a sausage egg and cheese, it’s a fabulous combo every time, unless of course you accidentally bite into a bone chip or white “gristle” within the sausage that shocks your teeth. That will ruin it. Again, yum.

As a hash whore I must say that roast beef hash is disappointing. While I’m not hesitant to inhale and enjoy it, when I hear hash I expect a dish consisting of meat, potatoes and spices that are mashed together into a smooth dog food-like consistency (that’s a good thing). Ryan likes this version better seeing as that’s one of the problems he has with hash – the texture. Kelly’s is a bowl of potatoes with cheese and shredded roast beef. Mash it up, people. Or not, because 50% of our table loved it.

Ryan enjoyed his quiche (with crab, spinach, and cheese) although he did say it was something he would not order again. I couldn’t even take one tiny taste of it because of how stuffed I was. The amount of Bloody Mary’s consumed today may have impacted our judgment.

If Kelly’s Bloody Mary’s or waiter that dances each time he punches in an order (we won’t get into that) doesn’t keep you yearning to visit Dunedin again, their quiet little waterfront town and atmosphere will. Docks, shops, bars, restaurants and smiling faces. Like Ybor…. but with much more sunshine and smiles, access to water, and less arson. We’ll be back to Dunedin for a pit stop of Bloody’s. And I may even wear a shirt this time.